the invasion

There are few things that I actually enjoy watching on television these days -one of those things happens to be Monday Night Football. So last night, I came home from work/running in the anticipation of watching the Eagles and the Cowboys battle it out. I quickly showered, threw on some sweats, and grabbed an apple (not exactly game food, I know), and turned on the TV. I am clean. I am watching football. I am happy.


The happiness only lasted about 15 minutes, however, because I suddenly realized that there were ants crawling on me. (enter explicit of choice) I looked elsewhere on my couch and found more ants crawling about. (enter another explicit of choice) I immediately put my shoes on, grabbed my purse, and proceeded to my car. I fled to Wal-mart (disregarding various speed limit signs and traffic laws along the way), purchased Raid, and came back home.

I arrived at my apartment and found even more ants chilling on my sofa - some had suitcases, others an overnight bag. I had ants making dinner for themselves, 8 were taking showers, and the rest were playing "Spin the Bottle" on my coffee table. What the heck? It was like I was housing insect immigrants. I sprayed every inch of my apartment while talking to my mom on the phone.


Mom: (chhhhhh-spray sound) It sure sounds like you're spraying a lot. (chhhhhh)
Me: (chhhhhh) I am. (chhhhhh)
Mom: Do you (chhhhhh) think that's (chhhhhh) safe? (chhhhh)
Me: Sure it is. (chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
Mom: Umm.....I think you've (chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) gotten them all...(chhhhhh) you should stop.
Me: Mom, they have suitcases. You don't understand. (chhhhhhhhhh)
Mom: ????


10 minutes later, the oxygen in my apartment has been completely replaced by toxic Raid chemicals, but it is also completely ant-free which makes me happy. I mean, I always wanted to have an ant-farm growing up, but I always pictured them more...contained. To conclude, I finished watching MNF in peace. The Cowboys ended up winning and I went to sleep breathing toxic chemicals that will hopefully have no adverse effects on any offspring I may produce in a few years. The end.